I’m not doing so well today. Not that any day is a good day, at the moment. Today has been harder, though. Friday’s used to be my favourite day. Our favourite day. So many amazing, precious memories, moments taken for granted. We never did anything incredibly special. But it was special to me. Walking my son home from the school bus stop, after school, we were always excited for the cosy evening ahead. We would stock up on snacks, and after all the usual evening routine was done, we would set up the snacks in bed and watch movies until he fell asleep. After he was asleep, I’d let him sleep in my bed, but I would watch some “grown-up’s TV” while my beautiful little angel would sleep peacefully next to me. His soft breathing a constant comfort. He would smile and laugh in his sleep, reminding me of those early moments when he was a small baby and he would smile and giggle in his crib, next to my bed. Such amazing times, memories which heal my soul.

I’m alone now. My other half is doing what he can to spend as much time with me, as possible. And it isn’t going unnoticed or unappreciated – without him I don’t know what I would do. But I miss my baby. A couple of weeks ago, we were so happy. Completely unaware of the horror and upheaval waiting around the corner.

I’m not taking any of this lightly, and I’m not trying to blame anyone else for what’s happened. I know this is all my fault. I have a terrible hoarding problem, and many emotional issues to boot. But neither my son nor I deserve him being taken away from me. I’ve cleaned the house and it didn’t take me long. It’s safe and clean enough for him to be back with me. But social services want to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Which I understand. And I can see why my son staying with his father, until I get better, is a good idea, but the pain of not having my son with me is unbearable. I want to get better. I want my son back and I will do anything it takes. I am doing everything I can. Today has just been so hard, though. I miss him more than I ever realised I could miss anybody.