Another bad day. The high point was that I got to see my baby. I took him for a snack and a drink, it was literally all the money I had left and it made me so sad I couldn’t get him something he really wanted. Getting to see him was amazing, I miss him so incredibly much it hurts. Everywhere I look there are reminders of him. Reminders of how much I’ve lost. How much I’ve let everyone down. Let my baby down. Seeing him made me so happy, though. I hope it makes him happy, too.

It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I’ve been cleaning the house almost every day since he’s been gone, but today I just slept until it was time to pick him up. If it hadn’t been for my boy, I would have wanted to sleep forever. I wish I could sleep now. I want to sleep until it’s time to see him again. I know I have to keep myself busy. Getting out of depression 101, is not sleeping during the day. I know what I need to do, but it’s very different from what I want to do. It’s not even that I want to sleep, it’s like I feel I need to. I don’t want to be awake and living this awful pain. I’m so terribly unhappy.